Around the Horn Reviews

Not I'm not reviewing that awful show on ESPN. But I thought maybe I would tell you all my thoughts on a couple things so that you could be well informed.

INTERRUPTION: THEY JUST HAD A TIE ON JEOPARDY!! A FRICKIN TIE......

OK back to the reviews

Movies:

Deathproof: I'd seen Deathproof before when it was teamed with the laughably bad zombie movie in the Grindhouse duel movie. However Tarentino thought he would get rid of a little bit of the mind fucking that the theater version of Deathproof had, with an added lap dance scene, which if you saw Deathproof in the first place is more then enough reason to watch it again. Other then that its pretty much the same fairly unimpressive, hot chick filled, overly gory at parts, but moderately entertaining flick that it was. All of the girls (except for the one stunt driver black chick that tries to act like a female version of Samuel L. Jackson) were very appealing but really didn't make me care about them enough to feel bad about anything that happened to them. But its one those movies that I'll probably watch several times in the future, so I would recommend stealing it, black-bearding it, renting it, or buying it from a bargain bin.

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets: Another movie I saw in the theater but just saw it again on DVD last week. If you saw the first of the National Treasure movies, you will have a fairly good time with the second one. That should be the catch phrase for ads. I like it because there's lots of nice history trivia and several Indiana Jones/James Bond moments to link those little bits of informative gold together. While the second one basically does the same thing as the first movie, only slightly less creatively, but still no less entertaining. The only thing that really bothers me is the same thing that bothered me with Die Hard 4, the annoying sidekick who bitches the whole time and gets more credit then he deserves at the end. While hoping that he would somehow catch a bullet or large stone thing in his head (an empty hope in a Disney Movie) I liked the movie a lot, even if it wasn't as polished as the first.

Video Games:

Tomb Raider Legend: I got a little bored last weekend and picked up this game for less than 20 bucks. While it is fairly entertaining and occupied me for several hours on Saturday, there was a good deal of it that left me in a combination of swearing loudly and almost pissing my pants. While Lara has moved up from just running around with two pistols and has a few more toys that allow me to throw a bat-cable and hook shiny metal things and either pull them or swing over spiky pits with them, and USE BINOCULARS and A FLASHLIGHT. OK its not the most deep additions ever but the game itself is batshit crazy. It's like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the stipulation that you cant touch your kitchen floor and have to open the fridge with a rope that activates a cut scene. Lara has all sorts of crazy acrobatic mountain climbing techniques where you flip leap off of ledges into a parallel bar routine and then somehow catch a swinging rope to get to the giant stone button. Sounds great doesn't it. Hot girl character, in various skimpy wardrobe choices, doing crazy acrobats with gunfights thrown in around the puzzles. Sadly it should be, but is glitchy as all hell. Lara's stunts often go awry time after time when your angle is slightly off or the ledge you're supposed to grab next is placed out of the explorable camera view while blending into the background. The gunfights are laughably easy, even though you can't aim for shit, even with auto aim, and the bad guys take a good thirty shots to go down. The puzzles are often VERY difficult to figure out without help, heck not getting turned around even with textbook linear game play is overly difficult. The motorcycle riding levels are a cool (also sometime frustrating) change to the game play although going off ramps does little other than to get the guy on your radio to flip his shit. Its a nice view of what could be to come in the franchise, but this flawed game is one to borrow from the fan boy friend who picked it up and probably finished it already.

Toothpaste:

Colgate Max Fresh: awful, really really awful. Tastes horrible, gives a bad aftertaste, even worse in the morning, and makes a hellish mess all over itself and anything in a five foot area. Sad thing is I bought it in a three pack, which I will be throwing away as soon as I possibly can.

Thats all for now.