Random Thoughts 7-30-08

Is a vegetarian omelet really vegetarian?

Shia LaBouffe recently got hit again with a DUI when his truck was in an accident on the way home. He says "I don't know how to have one drink". Fine Shia, you're young you can go out with fine Hollywood actresses and have a good time. But you're rich as hell, why do you need to drive? If I was rich, I would never drive. But come on man. You can be the drunkest little guy in all of California if you drop some cash on someone to drive you around. Being rich means that none of your friends need to be conned into being the D.D.

I learned that the song America, has the same music as God Save the Queen. Nothing witty there, just thought it was interesting.

Do professional wrestlers have business cards?

A lot of people talk about checking out new facebook, I've written in the address and it goes back to the same page. I'm not sure if the future is that great or perhaps I just don't make the grade in getting into the next level of Internet stalking.

Its tax free weekend coming up, is everything tax free or just certain things? Its a shame I'm fairly money free as well.

I've had Atonement sitting on my TV for two months and I've never been able to make myself put it in. I even try to tell myself that it's a war movie and Keira Knightly is probably naked at some point, but no dice.

Is a Hogan's Heroes remake on the way? I really love the old episodes on TV and hell they did a Get Smart movie.

Oh and the Burger King steakhouse burger commercials bother me. "What did you do to earn a steakhouse burger?"
"I went there and gave them money asshole, because I was hungry"

Internal Issues Hamper a Weekend of Epic Pimpness

My weekend started with being helpful. I had promised Molly over a week in advance that I would help her move her stuff into her new apartment. This would however be two weeks in a row in which I get drafted into service to carry furniture. This weekend however I only had to do the unloading of a very organized woman, with the help of her parents and several friends. After waiting around a lot later then I thought we were going to get started, the move took no time what so ever and we were done moving a U-haul and a pickup in less than an hour. Again I sweated like I had run a marathon but it was nice to help another one of my friends.

From there (after rinsing off of course) I went to Clemson for probably the fourth week in a row. Now I'm sporting a new shirt and new pair of shorts and I'm not going to lie, I felt like an epic pimp. Jeb laughed at my claim but I was feeling good, ready to go out and kick ass. So we scooped up BMS and were off to Mellow Mushroom. Not for the food mind you, which is alright but probably fairly overpriced if you'd sit and think about it, but for the abundance of hot waitresses. One in particular with surprisingly nice dreadlocked hair and freckles which i love (girls never cover up your freckles). But of course she wasn't there, not only that, we actually got a guy as our waiter. Looking over the beer list I thought to myself that I hadn't had a Michelob in a while and ordered an Ultra. Big mistake, I didn't hear the end of it from Jeb and C.P. who showed up and was pleased that he wasn't the one getting teased. Mic Ultra isn't that bad but I felt like I could drink a case and wouldn't even have been buzzed. But craving a little more flavor I went back to my usual the second round, but without any sign of my food. My uncooked turkey and cheese sub. When three pizzas had been brought out. No hot waitress, no food, I was about to cut my losses and steal a slice from C.P.'s pizza. I got a free beer out of the deal and the sandwich eventually came out but the tip ended up less then sizable.

From there we headed to Nick's. The Benjamins heading off to some mystery date they had, it was down to Jeb, BMS, and me. However being as it was after 8pm, BMS didn't last long and soon split for home. After a couple drinks, with nothing that I can remember out of the ordinary, I thought I would give this girl Melissa, who I had been on one date with, a call to see if she would like to come out and join us. I didn't really expect her to but figured, why the hell not. In fact she responds first with a text message saying how sorry she is but she sadly can't come join, which I quickly talk her out of this foolishness and do a little happy dance sitting at the bar. So she says she'll give a call when she gets close, Jeb and I finish up and go to Griffins.

We're chillin out and having our usual good time there, when she shows up with a friend. Everything seems good when all of a sudden the weirdest thing happened.

I got the hiccups. And they didn't stop.

I did everything I could think of but nothing worked. Hours went by, and I was struggling. I couldn't concentrate on anything and I'm very frustrated. I'm just really trying to be myself and hopefully be impressive to this girl. But I'm just super embarrassed and thinking of ways to slip out. Finally after switching bars again and getting surprisingly drunk, still hiccuping the whole time, its time to go. Mellissa offers to drive us back to Jeb's and the second she leaves, the hiccuping stops.

Just my luck.

Disappointment

Not to sound like an emo blog poster, but I got dumped again today (don't worry I'll make up for this with a funny post about the weekend). The weird thing is I've gotten to the point where I expect it. When Tracey gave me the "You're super but I want to be your friend" talk, she was amazed that I wasn't angry or broken up about it all. Don't get me wrong, Tracey is amazing, really unbelievable in fact, I could be myself around her and she was nice and goofy. But I expected it. She didn't hint about it or anything, short of being non-confrontable about it, but I knew it was coming because its just the way things go.

I don't know how I've come to expect quick and sudden failure in my relationships and it doesn't seem like I'm doing anything wrong, in fact the usual step before getting tossed aside is the woman is really happy to have me around and tell me how great it is to have me around. But then in a week or less, its like I turned into the plague. Women are really confusing and I don't know if these women secretly were bothered by something I did and they're just being nice but it baffles the mind.

I don't know, hopefully I'll find someone that helps me get over this mindset or can explain to me whats going on. I have a feeling I'll get an informational message from D.P. telling me that I need to be more of a dick or something (something I can't do, I've tried, it makes me feel like shit). But feel free to voice your ideas of whats going on.

Continued....

So we finish up unloading all of BMS's stuff. I look like someone shot me with a supersoaker. Damn sweat. I swear I somehow sweat more liquid then humanly possible. It sucks. We get ready for downtown and I'm sporting my tuxedo t-shirt (I'm formal but I'm here to party) so of course its going to be a good night. We get a message that "the Benjamin's" will meet us downtown at Nick's at 9:30, but we don't feel like waiting so we head down there earlier and put down a few beers and some bar food (all bar food is not created equal, especially somewhat international food at a tiny bar with their menu written on one of the walls). The bartender looks familiar and recognizes me but for the life of me I can't remember which set of friends I know him from. I really feel bad because he's a friendly guy but I guess it happens. 9:45 rolls around and I get a call from C.P. saying that they are just now headed down and stopping for dinner. I tell him to meet us at another bar because I know that they will take forever to get there and while Nick's has quite the nice atmosphere and selection of tasty hoppy beers, it lacks heavily in the eye candy department, so I figured we'd move on before they got there. We finish the food and beers and head up to Griffin's.

The attractive bartender is still not there, we figure this weekend she's at Hooters (not a joke, its her other job) but Griffin's is good as usual. C.P., Katie and Keihner show up finally and we have a great time hanging out and taking pictures with Jeb's new camera. One of the people at the bar sees my shirt and quotes Talladega Nights which makes me super happy. But the first couple of Polo wants to go to TTT's so we head over there.

We continue having a great time, drinking long island pitchers and stay there until the usual closing time on a Saturday, midnight. Then I decide that we should really head to Overtime since Tim has a membership and everyone left agrees.

Now I have somehow lost my new driver's licence. I remember having it and dropping it in between my car seat and the middle console but an exhaustive search earlier in the weekend with Jeb and BMS's help turns up nothing. For the most part in Clemson we don't get carded because they know us, but Overtime is apparently not like that. I approach the gate and the 350lb bouncer asks to see the ID. I tell him I don't have it, hoping that he's not a total douche and actually opens his eyes and sees that I don't look like an 18 year old trying to sneak in, but he brushes me off and I can't come in. I move farther down the patio fence and run into two guys that apparently know me but I don't believe I had ever met before. My friends who made it in join the three of us talking and give me a suggestion.

"Why don't you just hop the fence, they aren't looking"

I glance down at the two huge bastards checking ID's and also notice that there's a huge brick post in between me and them that would obscure my entrance. I weigh my options with the chance of getting pounded on and tossed out by the giants at the gate compared to being stuck outside and make a semi graceful vault of the fence to join my friends. Everything is good, no one seemed to notice, why not get a drink now that I'm in. I head to the bar with my friends and order a drink.

The bartender who I have seen at least a dozen times before at this bar actually asks for my ID again.

Getting in wasn't enough, now I needed to prove it again to get a drink? What the hell man. I tell him I don't have it and he gets a douchebag look on his face and hands my credit card which I had just handed him to the other bartender who starts walking toward the exit. I know I'm screwed and honestly hope I just don't end up having one of the fat ID checking bastards screaming in my face before I leave. We get to the gate and the bartender is holding out my ID in front of him like a torch or something so I grab it out of his hand and just walk out the gate into the crowd of people trying to get in. I contemplate turning around and flicking him off but figure the get away without much hassle is good enough. I walk up the sidewalk and stand in front of the Wachovia to wait for my friends to finish up and come out.

Amazingly I run into one of my old roommates, who despite being fairly underage when I roomed with him a year ago is now definitely 21. We chat for a while and him and his friend start smoking. All of a sudden out of nowhere comes this super hot chick asking for a cigarette. She looks like a younger Danica Patrick. I tell her this and while shes sorta flattered, she also doesn't seem to know who Danica Patrick is. She says her name is Harmony, which I feel is just as goofy so I decide to call her Danica anyway. She seems not to mind and actually smiles a little when I do it. Shes with some exchange student that she seems to be in town to sleep with. In our conversation he talks about his girlfriend back in Columbia or Argentina or South Africa or where ever it was in front of this girl hes sleeping with and she amazingly doesn't blink or seem to care at all. Girl's are funny like that. He looks like an ugly version of Jim Morrison. Danica seems to really be eyeing me and I contemplate asking for her number despite her obvious lack of availability. Looking back I probably could have pulled it off, oh well. Jeb finally shows up and does his best to wing man it up for me but it's a lost cause. We walk on back to Jeb's and crash for the night.

The next day I'm up surprisingly early, woken up by BMS and her little flat faced dog. I sit around for a while and finally we decide that Jeb needs to wake up so we can go get some always tasty Waffle House. We go and laugh about the night before and when we get back we watch a David Decovney movie I hadn't seen, which turned out to be really good. But I was worn out and decided it was time to head home, where I ended my crazy weekend passed out in a heap at the bottom of my bed.

Let's Just Get Cocky and Back the Trailer Down the Hill

So long time and no post but after a good weekend I felt that my faithful readers would like an update on my hijinks's. So here we go:

I didn't even know I was going to Clemson until the last minute. I haven't been anywhere but Clemson in like a month, so it didn't come as much of a surprise that I ended up there again. Like usual I waited around all Friday afternoon, chilling out and watching movies and coming in 7th place in an online poker tourney waiting for the Jebster to get out of work. The only problem with getting out of work at 11:30 on a Friday is that no one else does. Except for unemployed people and for the most part they are in a junk food coma leaching off their parents. So eventually I headed down the highway to Jeb's and was informed that the plan was to hit up the movies to see the new Batman movie after some dinner.

So we head to the movies first to pick up the tickets because we're sure the movie will sell out. I roll out of the Charger and up to the window to buy our tickets. Behind the window is a very attractive woman who basically blinks her eyes and before I know it I'm signed up for the Regal Crown Club, have student tickets and the last seats in the particular showing of the movie and probably a goofy look on my face. We head from there to Fuddrucker's where I plan to try to use the Regal Crown Card to pay from dinner despite its lack of monetary value. After a tasty buffalo filled dinner and some futile attempts at the crane game, we head back to the movie theater. Jeb can't park and needs to do a 14 point turn to get the Charger's child-bearing hips into the spot. We make fun of him relentlessly the rest of the weekend over this.

The Dark Knight is an unbelievably good movie. Almost too good. With the performance of Heath Ledger as the Joker, I can't think of any Batman villains that would be able to follow and not go back to the hokey Batman themes of the old movies or wouldn't be believable that they would give Batman any problems what-so-ever after he handled the Joker. However being too good isn't much of a problem. It was an awesome movie and if you haven't see it, you should get to the movies immediately.

Afterwords Jeb and I stop off at Griffin's for an hour to have a drink and maybe ogle the bartender. She isn't there, not many people are. But we still are able to sit and drink and watch TV. About quarter to closing a group walks in with very loud, very unattractive women. One of which noticed that we were sitting by ourselves having a good time and we apparently looked like we needed to buy her a drink. Jeb obliged her with a drink that she chugged in two seconds flat and left. We were sorta amazed at this show of drinking prowess and were about to forget all about the giant woman in her shirt that was far too small for her when she had the audacity to come back after not being able to find her friends and asking for another drink. Surprisingly Jeb not only gives her another drink but gets the bartender to give us a round of shots for free. I give mine to our hefty friend because I feel that redbull and mint shots don't mix and maybe enough free alcohol will make her leave. Sadly this only makes her lean over and do her best to try to impress us by showing off her ample everything. It only makes me head for the door with Jeb following right behind. We walk back to Jeb's (something I'm going to miss being able to do when he moves to Greenville) and shoot the shit and watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (if you haven't seen it I highly recommend it, hilarious). I pass out around 4am.

I wake up at the crack of noon and hear murmurs of the moving that I had promised to help with the day before. BritneyMichelleSomebody is moving her stuff out of the apartment that I didn't know she even had because shes always at Jeb's. This also makes me think that she might not have that much over there since I'm also told that a lot of the stuff she has there she hasn't used in months. I had even thought that I might be able to talk Jeb and I out of sticking around to pack and coming back when the lifting was required. Boy was I wrong. While BMS had obviously not planned much more then throwing most of it in garbage bags and making lots of trips using the Charger to get her stuff out, she set us to work immediately in various parts of the little house. Her roommates are two gay guys, no problem with that, but they are two of the dirtiest guys I've ever seen. The kitchen is piled with dirty dishes, the house reeks of animal shit and the one guy is so ADD that he has started to paint the living room walls but has stopped after only trimming around objects. We pack up bunches of trash bags full of BMS's stuff and load them into the Charger several times, dropping them off at Jeb's. 4 hours later, one of her roommates comes home with the SUV that we need to pull Jeb's father's trailer over so that the fun of furniture moving can begin. They get back, her roommate stops helping, and Jeb and I start moving things with BMS managing the situation. Seeing the end in sight we start shooting texts off to our friends to join us in the later removal of this memory from our brains by alcoholic means. We finally get the remainder of the stuff ready for transfer and BMS drives the SUV with the trailer at a snails pace over to Jeb's. We get to the last turn and I get the idea that maybe we should back it down the hill so that it will be easy to unload the trailer and get it out. Cocky I offer to try to do this if she stands back and gives me some directions so i don't hit anything since some jackass has his trailer taking up half the road. I instantly find out that this is a really stupid idea because the trailer not only turns upside down and backwards from what you would expect, BMS is just shouting gibberish, and I can't see anything behind me. Finally I get it back to the point where i can drive it straight in and do so, flicking off the owner of the poorly parked SUV as I went.

Too be continued....

Another Weird Dream

It was a short one that was so realistic that I woke up almost immediately. Like a jolt of electricity ran through my body. I closed my eyes and this face of a girl with shoulder length hair and a fairly shaded face leans over me and in for a kiss. But the way that everything was and how I was laying on the bed it was like the ideal angle and everything for it to be actually happening. It was so weird and realistic that I woke up gasping.

Really odd.
I should lay off the crack.

In Case You Hadn't Seen.......

im a good friend

The Lingerie Buying Time of the Relationship

The other weekend I was hanging out with Jeb and BMS and for some reason Jeb was shopping for lingerie for one of his female friends for her wedding. This started me thinking. At what time in a relationship do you reach a point where you can buy your loved one some sexy lingerie?
My last relationship was off and on for almost a year and hell I didn't even have a clue what size she wore. Not that it would have mattered. I have a feeling me shopping for lingerie would be something you could video and show after a chimp figuring out how to use a cell phone on the animal channel.

"Here he is, and no he's not going to do it, no he actually held it up on himself...."

But I still would have liked the option. I mean I'm not sure if I missed the boat, like there was a memo around month four saying "I know you're diggin whats going on but if you want to buy me things with lace I wouldn't complain and probably would do a little dance for you" Honestly how would I misplace an email like that? But this would mean that a year in, I had not reached the lingerie buy and show portion of the relationship, which seems like far too long to have not reached that point. It brings a whole new disappointment to that relationship not working out. So ladies please inform me when this magical time of the relationship occurs so I don't miss out the next time around. Does it very from person to person? I doubt its appropriate to ask on the first date whether I can buy some lingerie for them. And ladies out there, I know you could be insecure with your bodies, but if you tell your guy that he can buy you nice lingerie in return for a little happy dance, men will be packed into Victoria's Secret trying to decipher the numbers that none of us understand.

Weird Dreams

Lately I have been having a lot of weird dreams. Weird dreams that I somehow still remember. The real strange part was that the dreams aren't about odd things like getting attacked by a psycho or going golfing with a celebrity. My dreams are about everyday activities, but activities that I wouldn't normally participate in.

The other day I had a dream that I had a role in a play, that was being performed at a rodeo. I had one line to remember, and was having a terrible time remembering it. The dream was me freaking out about this line while going to the rodeo arena. Then once I got there it was 30 minutes until the show and I had to find the dressing room. I was fighting through the crowds of raucous rodeo fans and couldn't find it anywhere. So on top of saying my line over and over and over again, I was freaking out even more because I couldn't find where I was supposed to go. Then just as I'm about to find the place, I wake up.

I had another dream where my friend Tracey got back together with my friend D.P., who apparently traded his normal job for a job as a travel agent. And for some reason Tracey was his secretary. For some reason them getting together really bugged me in the dream, but instead of doing a normal angry jealous thing, I decided I would just prank them a lot to be an overall pest. I did everything from throwing things to stealing office furniture from their travel agency (that I rode down the sloped parking lot with a look of glee on my face). However my dream cut off sort of suddenly and I didn't really see what my dream self was hoping to accomplish, but it was funny and kinda had a 1920's feel to it.

And my latest dream from last night was that I was in the shop class to end all shop classes and it was right before the final. We had to pick something to build, like anything in the world (apparently there was unlimited supplies in the warehouse shop). First I was freaking out that I didn't know what to make. Then the first group I had kept getting bigger and bigger so I freaked out that there was way too many people for me to have any role. And then I got another group and went back to freaking out about about what we were going to do. And before I could find out what we were going to make, I woke up. Tough to wake up all frustrated about not getting to find out what my dream self ended up doing.

Now I don't know what any of this means, but I definitely wish my dreams went back to being about hot women and going on Indiana Jones-like adventures. If I'm going to a rode0/theater, I want it to be because I'm going to slide down a zip line, shoot four bad guys in the face and have sex with the pretty blond against the rodeo clown barrel. Is that so much to ask?