Surprise! Look Who's Emo Now

Not that I expect many people to read this or even less to care about it, I've decided to write my thoughts on the Internet for those followers of my great ways to see what I'm actually thinking when I'm sitting back and being quiet.

But lets start with a topic that is near and dear to my heart, the nickname Kegstand. In the grand scheme of things its not the worst nickname in the world (sorry PeeWee), but at the same time if you introduce me to a beautiful woman, it gets kinda awkward. This is the typical introduction.

Me:Hi I'm Mike
Hot Chick: Hi Mike I'm -insert hot girl name-
One of my loving friends: This is Kegstand.
Hot Chick: Oh really why do they call you that

Which I normally come up with a silly response such as my parents were hippies or I don't care enough and say that I'm an alcoholic which when you get introduced as Kegstand that's what they were thinking anyway and if I tell the real story its usually followed by "But seriously since I've known the guy hes done maybe one kegstand," by my loving friend, really adding a nice poser quality to the alcoholic image this girl has in the back of her mind. I swear,with as little as I drink its amazing the quantity of people that probably think I'm on the fast track to an AA meeting. Sorta gives the name a legend-esque quality of itself.

To whoever might be concerned the surprisingly dull story that accompanies my nickname goes as follows. When I was first joining the skydiving club in college(OK its not a totally lame story, i sorta get some points at this part id say, who knows, i read girls like ancient Chinese, not very well) we had this party that started at two in the afternoon and consisted of about a dozen of us sitting around a keg on someones porch. Now I was fairly new to the whole drinking thing and I really don't have a problem trying new things (except for several things i might discuss at a later time), so they asked me if I wanted to do a kegstand. I said sure, did a crappy one which probably ended with me spitting a mouthful of beer on my holders' shoes and sat down and continued drinking. By the end of the night I did three or four more kegstands because heck I was trying to make a good impression to my new skydiving friends. So at the meeting next week we realize that there are way too many Mikes in the club, so one gets Mike, one gets Mikkel(pronounced Michael but spelled super gay) and Motorcycle Mike, who surprisingly rode a motorcycle and then they got to me and said, "What should we call him, hey he did four kegstands at the party, how about Kegstand Mike." Over the years it has been shortened and the Mike was dropped and there're several fairly interesting variations that women have come up with but the nickname continues. And its really true, since freshman year of college I've probably done three kegstands since.

But you cant shake a nickname you don't like, especially if you don't speak up about it for several years. I get a kick out of friends though that will call me Mike once or twice and go "you see that i called you by your given name" Congrats to you, your cookie is in the mail, you probably still don't know my last name though.

Being called by a name you don't particularly enjoy does give you a sort of interesting bit of satisfaction though when you meet another group of friends that call you by your god given name. In these groups of friends I am like a CIA agent making sure that one group of friends doesn't somehow interact enough that the corruption of the bad nickname spreads to the other group like a plague. A sinking feeling hits you when you hear your uninformed friend says "Yo Mike, this guy says your nickname is Kegstand, that's cool why didn't you say anything"

Sigh.

Of course there are are the interesting times when the chick hears it as Kickstand. Its usually a fun look and a few seconds until my loving friends laughs and pats me on the back and corrects the girl's image of Michael the sexual god with Michael the alcoholic. Thanks guys, thanks a ton.