Canoeing/Swimming on a Sunday

So yesterday, Liz and I agreed to go canoeing with the Harts(and Andrea). We got there and everything was cool, very cheap to rent kayaks and canoes at Paris Mountain. The canoeing area wasn't the biggest but we were scooting around having a nice time enjoying the nice day.

We were half way across the lake making another circle when we see Amanda Hart put her feet in the water off the side of their canoe. I say to Liz "It would be hilarious if the turns over that canoe." and no sooner are the words out of my mouth when the canoe flips on over dumping her and Rich into the lake. They come to the surface sputtering and we gather their belongings into our canoe and try to help them turn their canoe back over. It ends up far too full of water so we keep trying until the "lifeguards" paddle out with another canoe and trade theirs for the overturned one(which even they couldn't empty out without a paddleboat). Amanda can't get into the new canoe and swims over to a log in the middle of the lake. We paddle over and are able to get her into our canoe.

So we paddle back to the docks, everyone seems to be satisfied with the level of excitement for one day and I'm really hot so I was definitely thinking about using the swimming area that they have roped off in the lake. We pull into the dock and I ask Amanda who is sitting in the front of the canoe to grab the tie off chain when we get in. The only problem is, we pull up to the wrong side of the dock and our tie off is on the dock on the other side of the canoe. Before we could push off over to the other side, Amanda reaches out for the chain and......dumps us in the water. So within ten minutes she has capsized two canoes. Four soggy people climb out of the lake and luckily have a change of clothes to replace their sopping wet clothing, I just wonder what the people are going to say when they get the swampy money that was in my pocket.

Angry Badger Reviews

So its been a while writing a post but I've been pretty busy. Lots of wedding preparations. But I have been playing quite a few movies and games. Here are a review of some of the most recent(with my special DP rating system):

Brutal Legend

A hilariously funny game about a rock and roll roadie(voiced by Jack Black) who gets tranported to a mystical world where the rock is the power. Armed with a battle axe and a lightning spitting electric guitar, he battles through the world to free the people from demonic oppression. The game is an interesting slight twist on the typical hack and slash adventure game, and a fun one at that. The voice acting, although very repetitive, is often hilarious and the various different game missions keep the action pretty fresh. Teamed with a rockin' soundtrack, its definitely a great gaming experience.
That said there are some things that I would like to see fixed in a sequel.
1) The mission marker: Your destination is marked with a column of light, which is good, but its often very difficult to find this light. Bridges, mountains, statues and all manner of insanity are often very tall and often right in the way. A lighted path, like in the Fable series, would make the game much easier to find objectives.
2) Driving controls: Much of the game, your guitar playing allows you to summon a hot rod to drive around in. For as often as you drive this monster, the controls are far less precise as the walking mechanics. This leads to crashing often, comically often. Also the "homing" missile is far from accurate, especially in the escort missions where it seems to fly off up into the air instead of going after enemies.
3) Controlling Your Units: I can't really put my finger on it exactly but the unit control really causes me to pull out my hair often. There's seemingly a way to hit two buttons and select just a certain kind of soldier, but it often doesn't work correctly. Also in the stage battles, you have to keep placing spawn flags with a guitar solo to get the guys to move up from the back of the field. I would much prefer that they just all obey my commands no matter where they are on the battlefield. Also it would be convenient if the units actually obeyed all the commands, instead of just doing so whenever they want.

Overall the shortcomings of the game dont make it much less enjoyable. I'm not sure if I will finish the game, one of the missions involves me driving around in a circle and trapping an animal in that circle, with the noted poor driving controls, its pretty darn terrible.

I give Brutal Legend 3 1/2 Angry Badgers out of 5
The Ghost Writer

In this movie, Ewan McGregor gets hired to write the memoir for the ex-prime minister(Pierce Brosnan). While the cast and concept definitely seem to have the possibility to be entertaining, it really fails to deliver. The Ghost Writer is sorta like showing the audience your poker hand in the first five minutes and then spending two hours to describe why spades are black. It doesn't add to the hand in the slightest and just makes all your friends wonder why you were ever invited to poker night. Also the plot has so many holes that its hard to stick with even the basic plot line of the movie. Why wouldn't they just send the old finished manuscript to the editor to fix? Why doesn't Ewan McGregor just finish up rewrites in a week and get out of there before everything gets funky?
Also Pierce Brosnan's wife is one ugly depressing chick, he could do much better.

I'm gonna give The Ghost Writer a whopping two angry badgers out of 5.

Stop Acting Like a Sixteen Year Old

So last weekend Liz and I decided to go geocaching on Saturday. We get the first one we go after with little problem and head to the next. Its next to a fruit stand and looks to be another piece of cake, the only problem is theres a little three foot drop off. So while Liz starts walking around, I figure I'll hop down and look around since the geocache is showing as being right there. Then when Liz comes down the hill I can look at her with the shit-eating grin and say "found it". At least thats how it should have happened.

Instead I hit the ground and my right knee totally gives out and I slam to the ground with various terrible popping and cracking noises. My phone and my keys go skittering across the ground. And I'm sadly laying on the ground in a dust pile. Liz comes around the corner and at first thinks that I'm looking for the cache on the ground. Then she realizes that I'm not doing well and helps me up. It feels terrible and its all I can do to get back to the car. Sadly without finding the geocache.

Flash to three days later, the earliest I can get in to see my new orthopedist, my knee, calf and thigh are super swelled. My calf is flexed without any apparent internal off switch. My knee is super painful and I can put barely any weight on my leg. I get x-rayed by a super rough tech, then my new doctor pushes and prods my right leg. Worried about blood clots, he wants my leg ultrasounded. However apparently the tech at the Greer Hospital was out or on vacation or something because it meant that I had to drive over to another hospital to get it done. Then when I went to schedule my MRI, they couldn't schedule me in Greer for at least a week. But they could fit me in at yet another hospital tomorrow.

So I finally hobble out to my car and get over to the next hospital. After waiting for what felt like forever as most of the staff headed for the doors, I finally had a guy lead me back to the ultrasound room. I had thought before that an EKG was the weirdest medical procedure to go through, but the male ultrasound takes the crown by far. I also had the urge at all times to yell "It's a boy!"

But no blood clots, so thats good. I doubt the MRI tomorrow will come back nearly as clean. But at least I get to sleep in a little bit.

Left 4 Dead 3: Family Time

I just had the best most vivid dream ever last night. Myself, Liz and my parents were the 4 some in a Left 4 Dead esque romp through a post apocalyptic town. It started out with me and Liz hanging out in a hipster style bar with a bunch of people that I assumed were our friends, however I did not know any of them. Everything is normal and very realistic and we're having a good time. Somehow it skips ahead to us going to sleep at my parents place. However it wasn't my parents actual place, it was more of a small town New England town. Morning arrives and disaster strikes. Things are exploding, flooding, falling apart, it was crazy.

So it was Liz and my parents and myself running around trying to survive, but things weren't normal. In one scene that I remember, we were going through a crumbling, flooding stone library. At one point we were walking across the second floor and the floor starts to break and the wall at the end of the hall falls down causing a big rush of water that starts washing Liz and mom down the hall. And at the last minute I reached out and pulled them into a nook in the wall, as the cascade of rubble goes rolling by. I hope this translates to a half decent mental picture, because it was hellishly cinematic.

We get out of the crumbly library and the flooding has gone away and we somehow are in someone's house, sorta recovering after the traumatic library experience. Then stupidly I think to myself, doesn't Left 4 Dead have zombies? I open up the front door and theres zombies everywhere. In one of the funnier parts of the dream, I look down and theres a box full of machetes sitting beside the door. Just as I pick one up, the wall explodes and Liz and mom are pulled outside by a giant monster. Dad and I bust out the front door swinging away at zombies. I turn to dad and ask "Where should we go?" and he turns to me calmly and says "Follow the checkpoint over there." This is the first time that I notice that theres a blue glowing diamond on one of the buildings across the zombie filled plaza. So I'm hacking through the horde like its my job and get to this building that ends up being the hipster bar from the beginning of the dream. So I was hacking trough the zombie hipsters and the window in the back flashes and I woke up.

Very crazy dream. Don't know how great it actually translated.

Selective Bouts of Laziness

I haven't written in forever. I often tell people who ask that it is because it is much harder to write a blog in the good times. But the truth is, looking back, it was always good times. So what else could keep me away? One thing could be the fact that as someone writes more and more of these things, it gets hard to write what you have on your mind. Theres tons of things that I would love to write out, some of which would be pretty darn hilarious. But when you care about the people around you, you don't know how they are going to take their business written on the internet, even if it is written in a joking way. Heck even looking back at the last blog's comments(which I didn't read until today), I somehow offended one of my best friends writing a funny list about things that bug me in weddings. But even that isn't the main reason for me staying away from the blog for so long.

The real reason is selective bouts of laziness.

I am normally a hard worker. I have a very creative job that allows me to flex my artistic side and I love it. But after you are designing designing designing all day long, my brain is fried. Even if I have a great story, I sit down to my computer and then end up in facebook instead. However this doesn't just apply to writing, there are other activities that I avoid just because I'm tired of thinking. I love Moe's (even though my fiancée hates it, something about it all tasting the same, however like Nickelback, if you like that one flavor, this doesnt bother you), yet I avoid going a lot of the time because they ask too many damn questions. Perhaps I have this disillusioned view caused by movies and television, where a person visits a neighborhood restaurant a couple times and they know what you want when you walk in the door. I don't even make it hard for them either, I always order the same thing, the same way, and the people working there I have seen multiple times. Plus, I'M ORDERING SOMETHING ON THE MENU, it lists what's on the burrito on the menu, why can't it just be made that way. But no, instead I need to answer fifty questions to get a burrito. At subway I have developed a way to order my sub in about ten words, but theres no way around going item to item in a never ending Tex Mex quest.

Recently however my laziness has spread to items that I wouldn't expect it to, video games. We have been super busy at work lately, so by the time 4:30 rolls around I am totally burnt out. But then I pop in Borderlands to play the latest expansion. While it is without a doubt an awesome addition to a solid game, I catch myself going "I really wish these bandits would cool it and just let me walk on over to grab this item and get back to Captain So and So." I head shot enemies, not because its awesome(which it still is, especially with a flaming sniper rifle) but because it takes a lot less time to kill them that way. So I guess in an usual way, laziness has made me a better gamer.

But laziness aside, I also got engaged since the last time that I wrote and I find myself wanting to live life with her instead of writing down the play by play. But as she is perhaps a reason I don't write too often anymore, shes also the reason I decided today to come back to it. While getting my computer fixed, she found a link to the blog and apparently read it all. When she told me that she had, my mind instantly started freaking out because I can barely remember what all was written in here. Did I write something that would make her think poorly of me? Will she find it boring? Instead she asked one question:

"If I was in your blog, what would my nickname be?"

So hopefully I will start writing again and perhaps we will see.

PS she also thought the story where Katie punched me in the face was hilarious, shes a keeper.

Wedding Thoughts

Long long time no blogs, but after finishing up my third wedding of the summer, one in which I was a member of the wedding party, it gave me thoughts about the whole wedding celebration. Thoughts I would like to share with anyone who still checks this blog:

1. Short Wedding, Long Reception: No one in the church wants the priest to try to make jokes at the young couple's expense while going on for twenty minutes in a sermon about compromise. Your groomsmen are wearing three piece suits in the 90 degree church. Get to the point. I dos and out the door.
Reception on the other hand can go on for days. Feed your people a meal, they came a long way and spent far too much for you to run them through some appetizers. If you're planning on getting out of there in a half hour or less, just don't bother. Also OPEN BAR.

2. AC in the church: Like I said above, if you're making your groomsmen wear three piece suits, that church needs to be cold. Unless you want to have your friends be remembered as the guy who passed out at your wedding. Sweating balls during a twenty minute sermon sucks.

3. Kids in the wedding: Flower girls and ring bearers are adorable but really should be stopped. Yes it is cute that they're wearing mini versions of big people clothes. But most of the time they are just running around complaining during the ceremony being a distraction. Also during the reception, when they call for single guys and girls for the tossings, they don't mean your five year old.

4. Did I mention OPEN BAR?: Doesn't have to be a full bar, but lets get real. This is an adult ceremony, and there's probably some single people here. Sober people don't do the electric slide.

5. Bubbles are dumb: Seems to be a new trend sparked by the rumor that pigeons explode from eating wedding rice. Lies. Pelt those suckers with some Uncle Ben's. Old school beats cute anyday.

Also we came up with an correlation between the shiny-ness of rented shoes and their discomfort..... be warned.

It's a Wednesday but if no one told me I would still be thinking it was Tuesday

True Story.

For half the day I really thought it was Tuesday. Probably due to the fact that I was out of the office all day yesturday and the general awfulness of the installation job that I was roped into "helping" with makes me want to forget that day. The type of day that makes someone go home and drink in the shower. It's sort of scary though seeing as I have one of those day calendar things with movie trivia questions on it (today's answer was Natalie Portman, can't have a bad day on a Natalie Portman day) and so I most likely looked at the calender several times this morning. But no, I figured out it was Wednesday when the office went out to lunch to bid a fond fairwell to Tim and get free Mexican food. They had new lunch special menu's printed out and instead of having the same lunch specials everyday, they change. So I was all set to order some nice Tuesday special when my boss goes "Let's see what they have for Wednesday's" and I had a mini "duh" moment that I quashed with some chips and salsa. Along with the development's running up to my car in the rain this morning to give me breakfast, it was a pretty nice free food day. We were going to have free cake too but that got pushed to tomorrow, even though I rushed back from flawlessly setting up an LED sign to get a piece. The only thing that would top off my free food day better would be if someone showed up at my door with free dinner. Or head. That would be pretty good too.

I decided this afternoon that Jeb really needs to start video blogging and tape a new song each week that he makes up and performs to the internet populous. I may have to run this by him this weekend and maybe even bring my camera to facilitate the epic internet stardom that would be sure to follow.

As I mentioned before, my dad visited last weekend. And between discussions about baseball we had one about movie remakes or rebooting of franchises, which we both agreed was really lazy on a filmmaking standpoint. Sure the new Batman movies and Bond movies were good, but at least with James Bond movies, why not call it a sequal. Theres like 25 of them, and coming up with the plotline to a new Bond movie is about as easy as spelling words with alphabet soup. We did agree however that there are some movies that have always been considered classics but would be ten times better today with a remake. Some of these included Alfred Hitchcock movies (especially the Birds, which looking back is a hokey movie, but if it was redone, it would be scary as all hell) and Jaws. But overall I really think the whole Hollywood "reboot the franchise" thing is dumb as hell. I heard the other week that they were thinking about rebooting The Fantastic Four. Sure the movies were really stupid (I still haven't seen the second one, because the previews made me want to hit Stan Lee with a newspaper), but they came out like two years ago. And redoing them as dark as Batman wont make them somehow cooler, just make my eyes burn when I exit the theater. Come up with something new please.

Ok I'm spent, gotta think of a way to get free dinner.

Greenville FORCE

So this weekend my dad came to visit from Pennsylvania and so I was looking for things to do when he was here instead of just sitting around or going to bars (my parents don't drink). So I heard that Greenville was getting an arena football team at the Bilo Center and this weekend was going to be their first game. I asked him if he'd be interested and he said he was so we went.

We got there a little early, thinking that it could be packed from the advertising that I had heard. People were waiting but we soon found that plenty of seats were still available and we were given seats five rows from the field (for half price, a special they were running, that should have tipped us off). So we get inside and the game is supposed to start at 7. The Bilo center has been tricked out with a mini football field (only 50 yards) with the goal posts replaced with a hanging PVC apparatus. The field is essentially just a cement floor covered with some outdoor carpet surrounded by the bottoms of the old hockey boards covered with padding. Having little faith or low preparation beforehand, the field proclaims the Austin Wranglers instead of the South Carolina Force, as it should. In addition, the ends of the field are still uncovered cement. We sit there and 7 rolls around and the teams continue practicing on the field and the announcer comes on saying that the game would be delayed at least a half hour for "technical difficulties". They suddenly realize that they only half assed the field and start putting down the one missing end, sticking some outdoor carpet down with double sided tape. 8pm rolls around and they have barely finished the one side but start doing the vast team introductions and reading of pre-written sponsor selling points. That's right, they read sales pitches for all of their sponsors, after delaying the game for over an hour. At the same time they seem to have misplaced the outdoor carpeting from the one side and are just laying down some foam padding. The announcer has already referred to the Force as the Drive (Greenville's baseball team) several times. They lose the music for the National Anthem and the girl has to uncomfortably sing it without, which was a mix of different speeds and pitches. But finally at about 8:30 the 7pm game gets started.

We soon realize that the football is laughably bad. The referees call far too many penalties (especially unsportsmanlike contact, which happens at least ten times in the half). The players seem to have never practiced and its a little more than a sandlot game of football with sponsors. There's also unusual rules where extra points are added for kickoffs going through the uprights, and penalty points given to the other team for kickoffs that went out of the end zone (even though this only happened at certain times and not others). The loudest cheers happened when a poor pass by the Greenville quarterback flew into the stands and an 8 year old kid made a perfect catch to the roar of the crowd. Thankfully we made it to the half.

During halftime several hilariously poorly planned events occurred: the dancers' music was lost and they stood in the center of the field waiting for it to turn on before just running off the field, the cancer survivor's little daughter ran around the group of people on the field as her mother talked, like a little blond haired satellite. Then they sent the teams back out with five minutes left on the clock and they basically just waited around lost on the field until it ran out.

The third quarter was more of the same and by the end we had both had enough and exited the half filled arena.

It was so comically bad that I wasn't even sure if I didn't want to come see another one or not. In one way it was so terribly planned and played but almost to a hilariously entertaining way. I have never laughed so much at a sporting event. I get the feeling that with a group of friends and a couple beers it would be as good as an unintentional Harlem Globetrotters-esque spectacle.

Valentine's Day Sweetheart

I have already written this blog once, got the whole way through and Opera first wouldn't let you use the spell check feature and then deleted what I wrote before I could copy and save it. Bye bye Opera. Here we go again.

Despite being America's Sweetheart and the lovable peach of a guy that I am, I find myself single again on Valentine's Day. I know its just another day, trumped up by candy and flower companies to be a romantic holiday, it still sorta wears on a guy. Although really its nothing new, I have never been in a relationship on the day. So what's a single guy to do to pass the time on such a romantic day?

Huge Pizza, Horror Movie, Long Nap.

I spent most of the day watching movies (I know, nothing new). I started my day with the romantic classic Saw V. I felt it lived up to its Saw brethren, with lots of gross-out "incredible machine-esque" bloody deaths. There were a few parts that I thought were sort of illogical, such as why they people didn't use the dead body for blood instead of putting their own arms in the machine full of saws, or at least trying to break the glass on the top first. I am still amazed that the original Jigsaw killer is still a large part of the movie, despite having died two movies ago. Perhaps they should move forward in the next movie and start working away from that character and focus more on the new killer. He definitely has a creepy enough look to carry the franchise. I definitely thought though that the girl from Dexter would end up being in on the act, since they had made her up to look like the old assistant and her seeming knowledge of how everything worked in the challenge. Who knows, despite laying in a puddle of blood, her arm is never shown, so she could have faked it and let the other guy take the full blunt of it. He looked pretty not alive by the end. So I guess if you're looking for the gross-out psychological horror movie that the other Saw movies are known for, you wont be disappointed with this one.

I followed it up with a surprising, under-hyped amazing movie. The Lucky Ones follows a group of American soldiers, home for a 30 day medical leave after taking various injuries in Iraq and being thrown together in an impromptu cross country road trip. While Tim Robbins and Michael Pena do a great job in their roles, Rachel McAdams is brilliant as a private returning a guitar to the family of soldier who saved her life. She has such an endearing, filter-free but super sweet quality to her that you can definitely relate to. Her humorous little comments really carry the movie. I know its too late for Oscar consideration, but she definitely should have been included in the supporting actress race. If you get the chance to see this movie, I highly recommend picking it up, you wont be disappointed.

So while you may have thought that I was going to throw a nice "whoa is me" blog up for you, I switched it around with the help of two very different movies. That and eating half a pizza and passing out on my couch for a long nap, allowing me to write this blog twice after 2am. Perhaps something romantic next year, but I wont hold my breathe.

While Barrack Goes On and On....

I will write for yall. Watching him speak, I find that he doesn't really know the meaning of the words "unanimous" or "bipartisan". I'm sorta wondering why he's so insistent in instructing the American people on why the bail out plan is the way to go. It's not like any of us can do anything to stop him, even if we cared to.

But anyway my weekend was pretty darn fun. After last weekend in Clemson, I had no intention to go anywhere else but back to Clemson this weekend. I always have a blast there. So I rolled into Clemson around 7 and even though I did so because I thought that Jeb or BMS would beat me home, I still beat them to their own house. Definite downsides with having crazy jobs teamed with an hour commute (hopefully not for much longer, crossing fingers and such). So I let the dogs out, taking a moment to relish the 60 degree February night overlooking the lake. Moments like that are why I believe that South Carolina is paradise. Of course my moment of reflection was short lived when Trimmy didn't want anything to do with standing around on the porch. I eventually let both dogs back inside where they attacked me while I tried to read a magazine, until Jeb and BMS finally showed up.

The reason Jeb was so late was that he had a little problem with his tire that morning and BMS had to take him to, and pick him up from work. To say that his tire was flat would be the understatement of the year. I have never seen a tire that flat. It looked like he had found out that he had a flat, went out and did high speed donuts on it and then raced it back to the garage on the rim. It was dead as a doornail. He planned to change it out Saturday (and Sunday, but I doubt it happened then either). So by the time they got there, I was starving. But unlike normally, they had a plan on where to go and we went to TD's where far too much fried food was consumed. I have to say though, that they make the best grilled cheese I have ever had in my life. Absolutely amazing.

So after dinner, BMS's abundance of energy had left her quicker than the air in Jeb's tire, and she bid us adieu and we hopped next door to our home away from home, Griffin's. Tony, the owner of Griffin's is a really cool guy and he loves when Jeb and I show up. I don't know if its the abundance of money that we throw down, or just the sheer awesome-ness that we possess, but every time we go there its a great feeling, and I feel kinda like a VIP. We have our usual seats at the end of the bar. The hot bartender ladies love us. Its just a blast the whole time we're there.

Unfortunately Jeb's ex-wife showed up as well and decided to strike up a conversation with Jeb before joining her group of friends. This seemed to really bother Jeb all night, but we still did our best to get by it and have fun. For once Jeb asked to leave before I did and so at about 1 in the morning, we started walking home. We had gotten about half way down the street and I was walking down a little dirt slope when POW down I went. It happened so fast that I was lying on the ground before I knew it. Jeb started laughing as I scrambled back up and I eventually joined him in chuckling as we continued back down the road. It was a hilarious finish to a great evening.

Monday Monday

So I noticed that I now have 100 posts with that philosophical one from last time. Wish I would have known and I would have made it something good, but so is life.

What a game last night in the Super Bowl. I was down at Jeb's, watching the game on his big ass TV and it was exactly how the Super Bowl should be watched. I found myself cheering for both teams as they went down the stretch, but I'm definitely happy that the Steelers pulled it out. As a Pennsylvania native, I'm sorta attached to that team to do well. Either that or Philly, but Donavan McNabb is a douche bag so there ya go.

So anyway I got this little questionnaire on Facebook today from two of my friends and while I really don't want to support that foolishness on Facebook I thought I would answer the questions on the blog, so that people that would be subject to them are making a conscious decision to read about me, without being bombarded with "25 QUESTIONS OMG BBQ LOL WELCOME TO THE INTERNETS". So here we go:

1. Were you named after anyone? I was born in the 80's and I believe that my parents have said that in the 80's Michael was very popular pop-culturally with Michael Jackson (before he went all crazy and child molestery) so I think that had something to do with it, but otherwise I think they were happy not to give me the family middle name, Eugene.

2. When was the last time you cried? I almost cried at the end of several movies lately, but I held it together. Before that I was having a really bad allergic reaction to a date's cats when we went back to her place. That was sorta embarrassing.

3. Do you like your handwriting? I print very neatly, but only use the cursive handwriting to sign my name. I think my signature is pretty good, very doctory, somewhat looks like my dad's.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey

5. Do you have kids? Nope, probably not anytime soon. I'm still too much of a kid myself.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I'd like to think I would be, I think I have a good sense of humor and I'm a good loyal friend, but at the same time I don't know which other person I would be, maybe that other person would have dissimilar interests. But I'd like to think that the people that surround me as friends are a lot like me, so I guess I subconsciously do enjoy my company.

7. Do you use sarcasm? Who me? Never.

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Probably, I haven't enquired about their status lately.

9. Would you bungee jump? In a heartbeat, I definitely want to try it someday, I have 75 skydives but I think that bungee jumping would be terrifying. Its so low.

10. What is your favorite cereal? Cocoa Pebbles. Although I currently have three healthy cereals that I haven't touched in months.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No, my shoes are usually pretty loose on my feet, I slip in and out of them sitting at my desk at work.

What happened to 12, I blame Coffey for skipping another number.

13. What is your favorite ice cream? Mint Chocolate Chip or Peanut Butter Cup, although the lactose intolerance has really cut down on my ice cream intake.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? Their personalities. Either that or their boobs.

15. Red or pink? Red.

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I have really bad skin. I've done everything I can to make it better but it never works. I guess I'm cursed.

17. Who do you miss the most? Mikkel Green, I wish he lived out here in the western part of the state, driving 8 hours in a weekend is really not an attractive proposition. But I miss having Mikkel around.

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list? No, like I said before, its really annoying on Facebook.

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Blue jeans, no shoes, white socks. I was wearing brown shoes but I'm home now so there's no need for shoes.

Another missed number.....

21. What are you listening to right now? Its actually really quiet in my apartment right now, too quiet........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? This reminds me of "If you were a hot dog would you eat yourself?" or "If the moon was made of spare ribs, would you eat it?", but I think I would be black (just like your mother Jeb :) ) because unlike Coffey's answer, I would like to helpful to a lot of people, until they use me up.

23. Favorite scents? Sheets fresh out of the dryer, jambalaya, that smell that women have that is a mix between flowers and fruit.

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Ish on the phone. DP on the text messages.

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Oh yeah, they're both awesome, wish they both lived closer, and were kid free.

26. Favorite sports to watch? Hockey (in person, it loses a lot on TV). Baseball close second.

27. Hair color? Brown.

28. Eye color? Hazel.

29. Do you wear contacts? No, I tried growing up but could never get them in. Then a couple years ago I had lasik, so I hope that I wont have to worry about that stuff again.

30. Favorite food? My mom's beef stroganoff, or steak.

31. Scary movies or happy endings? Depends on my mood, I watch a bunch of both.

32. Last movie you watched? I saw Step Brothers and Burn After Reading last weekend. Both of which were the type of movie that once they were done, you scratch your head and wonder what to say about it and don't know if they were good or bad.

33. What color shirt are you wearing? Blue. Completing the mental picture of me. Unless there's an underwear/ body type question later.

34. Summer or winter? Summer, I left Pennsylvania to get away from the cold, its paradise for three seasons down here but then there's that pesky cold snap.

35. Hugs or kisses? I'm pretty down with both.

Another missed number....COFFEY!!!

37. Most likely to respond? Well my blog is kinda my show, but Jeb and D.P. might comment, they do the most.

38. Least likely to respond? I don't really know who all frequents my blog, so probably one of my secret fans.

39. What book are you reading now? Quantum of Solace, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide, Lord of the Flies. I have a bad habit of starting one before I finish another.

40. What is on your mouse pad? I don't have one, don't really need one with a laser mouse unless you have a clear desk.

41. What did you watch on TV last night? The Super Bowl, it was pretty late by the time I got home after that.

42. Favorite sound? Women's laughter. There's just something therapeutic about it.

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Stones over Beatles, but I'd listen to both.

44. What is the farthest you have been from home? Cancun.

45. Do you have a special talent? I'm a world class lover.

46. Where were you born? York, Pennsylvania

47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back? I don't think I'm going to get anyone filling this out in my comment box, but I guess I look forward to Jeb's comments.

48. Where did you meet your significant other? N/A. Last one was at a party.

Fun Times kids, time to make dinner. Catch ya'll later.

Wondering...

I was thinking today, are the people that I think are stupid actually the smart ones and I'm the dumb one? It's sorta a distressing thing to think about.

I hope I'm just right.

You Know You Play Too Much Farcry 2...

1. You develop a natural fear of Jeep Liberties- When you play for hours and every time you see one of these death wagons roll up and some douche bag with an AK tries to run you over and then hops out and tries to punch holes in your nice soft skin, suddenly the soccer mom following you on the highway seems like America's most wanted.

2. You start looking for helpful flashing objects in every room- So what if someone hasn't hidden briefcases of uncut diamonds in my bathroom, there's gotta be something in here that I can use.

3. You carry around a ratchet set in your car- Just in case the engine starts smoking and you need to tighten that handy bolt on the radiator that fixes everything from bullet holes to smacking into a rock wall.

4. You attach important papers to cardboard- Heck that map in the game suddenly becomes water proof, bullet proof, fire proof, doesn't stain, tear or become misplaced. It also somehow folds up into a tiny pocket sized carry on. Hell my keys are going to be attached to cardboard.

5. You wonder about the everyday businesses around you- Which are ammo strongholds? Which are harboring arms dealers? Which have huge gas tanks just waiting to blow with an arrant sniper shot? Danger is everywhere.

Mieneke

I found out today that Mieneke (sp?) is the place to go. I'm really terrible about getting my oil changed when I should but today I was like, "Hell why not, get some better gas millage and stuff" (my car is already a frickin beast, it gets like high twenties MPG and I can still blow by shitty hybrids like they're standing still). Now I went to Jiffy Lube before, after telling my coworkers that it had been like 20,000 miles since I got my oil changed and they looked at me like my car should be on fire in the parking lot, and Jiffy Lube has like a million little guys running around and fixing shit and it seems really professional. But they bring you out into the shop and have you look at this computer that says that they reccomend you get all this shit fixed and that they can cut you a deal for like $900 bucks for all this crap that I know my three year old car doesn't need.

So I walk into Mieneke today and they're like "We'll look at 45 different things, change your filters, rotate your tires, and give it a happy ending for $20 and a Bojangles bisquit." They have George "Grillmaster" Forman smiling at me from the counter and I'm like "hell yeah, hell go all supreme on its ass." So I'm reading a couple magazines, finding out that Sports Illustrated really hangs on Peyton Manning's penis and the guy is like "For six bucks a tire, we'll balance those biznatches for you," So I figure that they're already basically jacking off my car in the back for like nothing, why not. So they keep doing their thing and it goes on for a while and the guy comes back to me again. He starts telling me what a good girl my car was and all the systems were all pristine and crap and ends with a little "Your transmission fluid is breaking down a little bit, but thats like the only thing" So I ask how much that would be and start trying to look around like rainman for their big board of prices. He says something like $100, and I was thinking in my head that if it was like $40 I might go all out today and spoil her. But I said no and he didnt give me the "you're gonna die" sigh that they do and I finished reading my magazine and paid my tiny bill and the car runs like a dream.

Way to go Mieneke.

Damn You Mongolians!!!

I made Mongolian beef tonight for dinner. They may knock down the "shitty" wall, but the beef is frickin delicious. And of course because its me, I had to add hot sauce to it. But peach hot sauce to match the sweetness of the dish. I know I know, stop watching Food Network and go out and get laid. Well to all the single ladies out there, just know that you too can be sharing Mongolian Beef (which I actually made with ground chicken, so its not really beef I guess) with America's Sweetheart.

I feel since this week was the presidential inauguration that I should probably say something on my thoughts. While I was burnt out on Obama-itis in the days and hours of build up to the big event and I felt that they went slightly overboard. Sure first black president and everything, but to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on an inauguration in the midst of an economic crisis seems sort of silly. But I do have to say that his speech was very very moving and I almost welled up with American pride at several moments. While I think President Obama will prove to be just another Democrat, he's definitely a strong speaker and its nice to give America a powerful voice in the world.

As far as his cabinet selections, it will never happen but it would be hilarious if they don't approve Hillary. I think her head could explode on national TV. To lose the primaries, get appointed to a cabinet post and then be rejected by the other democrats, it would be priceless. The one that really bothers me however is that the selection for Treasury Secretary has, get this, been skipping out on his taxes. He had $38,000 in owed taxes, that hes apparently taken care of since he was named as the pick for secretary. But in his words, he was "confused" about the tax rules. The guy that will be the head of the entire country's money situation, can't figure out his own tax stuff. Oh yeah I'm optimistic about this one.

It's been a semi-long week and I'm definitely looking forward to a weekend in COLUMBIA, which should be pretty interesting. So blog fans, keep posted, and Cola people, get ready for some fun.

Tucker Max

Today I got a request from TK "Dr. Thunder" Davis to write a blog about Tucker Max, saying that my blog reminded him of tuckermax.com only I'm less mean,

I read a lot of Tucker Max's site a couple years ago and really thought it was hilarious. Especially the story where he got the breathalyzer and talked about his blood alcohol level in relation to the ungodly things that happened to him (which I believe ended with him with no pants outside a sushi restaurant). But then all of a sudden he got famous, wrote a book and seemed to stop writing about anything except for how awesome everyone else thought he was.

While I can sorta see how my blog is at times a lot like this stories. I think its a little more humble than him and pull in much fewer women. I don't feel very comfortable talking about my sexual escapades in my blog (even though a lot of the time they are pretty darn funny, I'm not sure if that's good or not), at least for now. Truth be told, most of the time I'm not getting wasted and chasing women. I watch a ton of movies (and may start doing more movie reviews) and TV, during the week. I don't like drinking alone or going into work hung over (teamed with also feeling sort of uncomfortable about writing about work, with the fear that someone from work might stumble across it), often my window for doing something hilarious is limited to two or three days a week. But I'll do my best to keep writing stuff y'all enjoy and hopefully someday enough people could read this that I could either be sponsored or get a book deal, which would be pretty sweet. Thanks to Dr. Thunder for his topic suggestion.

Hello Again

I noticed recently that with the addition of Netflix to X-box live has created a paradox. You can go online and select movies in their "Play Now" section and add them to your Instant Queue and then go and watch them on the big screen using the 360. While this is very convenient, it also causes me to go through much fewer movies a month that they send me. Movies sit on my counter for a week before I pop them in. I used to get it and watch it and turn it around in a day or so and now I'm doing 8 movies a month through the mail. While I'm not sure this is a terrible thing, seeing how the online movies are just as good in quality, with only a slightly worse selection. Maybe I will drop it from two at a time to one at a time.

Another thing it causes me to do is discard bad movies very quickly. If I queue up an instant movie and in the first fifteen minutes it doesn't impress me, I cut it off immediately and move on to the next one. When my only choices were to watch the movies that I got in the mail, I would sit through some really awful movies because it was either that or watch reruns of NCIS. While its sorta nice to not have all my eggs in that little red basket, I also wonder if I cut the movie off too fast and missed the hidden gem that it will become. Then again the blond girl might just make bad decisions for the next hour and a half, to the point where I'm yelling at my TV for her to get some parental supervision.

Last weekend D.P. and L.C. came to visit. Its always a mind boggling experience being around those two. One second they are cuddling on the floor, everyone is peachy, we're playing some Scene It (or not so much playing as I'm kicking ass and they're trying to keep up), and the next: there's an accidental elbow to the balls that starts a shouting match, an angry controller throw, and about a half hour's worth of arguments and apologizing. Of course this is followed by a cutesy make up kiss, and then another argument about the amount of alcohol that is being consumed. It's like hot to cold and back again in zero seconds flat. Can't end up being a good thing. 

Also last weekend we bid a fond farewell to Captain Pretentious and The Katie. They moved off to Sweden and left us poor country folks behind. While we all promised to come visit, and the idea of hot easy women (Swedish chicks are the most likely in the world to have a one night stand, over 65% have) and tasty meatballs is very appealing, I doubt I ever will. The simple fact is that I would much rather drop several hundred dollars and my year's vacation days on a nice Caribbean vacation then going over there and freezing my ass off. I'm pretty content over here sending C.P. obscene text messages at ungodly Swedish hours.

OK I think I'm going to go try to find a coffee table or some art to spice up my walls here. If y'all want to get more posts, you should really say "You should update your blog, write about...." and insert your own subjects. I could use the help after coming home brain fried from work.

The Hinder Factor and Other Thoughts

The other day I was driving back to work at lunch and had a breakthrough thought. If you listen to a Hinder album and can relate to the songs, you are part of a bad relationship. With songs such as Better Than Me, Nothing Good about Goodbye, Lips of an Angel, and How Long (which don't sound very bad with just the titles) the album is a catalogue of relationship woes. Try it out, you could learn things.

Why the heck did they have to cancel Pushing Daisies? For a channel that has such shitty unintelligent shows as Wife Swap and Nanny 911, is it too much to ask that one night a week they put on a show that is actually good. I guess this show shows how stupid the majority of the American television audience are.

Tomorrow, on the 18th of December, its supposed to be 70+degrees in South Carolina. Thank you Jesus for answering my chilly prayers.

I wonder if I made more if I would have more spare money around or if I would just spend more. Sounds like something I wish I could test out.

Speaking of which these commercials that make it look like the thing to do at Christmas is giving away a Lexus or a $3000 ring are pretty unbelievable. While I would love the ability to give away high end automobiles, it sorta seems like bad advertising to believe that you can influence enough of the TV watching public into buying them that you could pay for prime time advertising.

Infused with Goodness

I was determined this weekend to have a great time. While not a horrible week, I wasn't very successful in the major project I had hoped to accomplish. A birthday party for The Katie on Wednesday did a good job on tiding me over to the weekend with a nice infusion of midweek fun (even though The Katie started crying when she saw me at the bar, not very good to see even if its happy tears). When Friday rolled around I had every reason to believe that it would be a fantastic weekend.

After a long nap I figured that showing up by 6 would be plenty of time for Jeb and BMS to get home and start hanging out. With holidays and being in other parts of the state, it would be the first time I'd hung out with Jeb in three weeks and would be the last time I'd see him before New Years. He had also made it clear that Friday would be the only day this weekend that he would be in town, having already committed to two Christmas parties on Saturday. This was fine with me since the epic friends' Christmas was planned (at the last minute) for Saturday afternoon. Anyway I showed up at Casa de Hunter around 6 and as I was pulling in I received a call from Jeb saying that he was still at work. But he encouraged me to go on in and he would be home in a little bit. So I go in and drop off my stuff and let the dogs out of their little cage as they were freaking out with the introduction of a human to their private party. I let them outside and was just sitting down and getting used to them trying to interrupt me reading a magazine when my phone rang.

C.P. had apparently gotten out of work early and had been drinking since 3 in the afternoon. He wanted me to come over and join him in continuing the hitting the bottle. I was greeted by a miniature pint glass of the current Benjamin's Bastard Brew. We played Mario Cart and sipped booze while the rest of the party got to town. An hour and another argument about shoes later (two weeks in a row) we headed downtown to meet Mr. and Mrs. H at Nick's. We were sure however to drive through the drive through of Rite Aid and taunt C.P.'s brother Ginger through the drive through call system (which may or may not have involved the penis game).

Nick's was packed as usual as we had a beer or two and talked about odds and ends and how amazing and unexpected it was that the polo twins are now engaged. Jeb and BMS finally showed up and we headed out to Griffin's (I know there's a pattern here). On the way we ran into Ginger and all gave him a group hug on the sidewalk. The really hot bartender was there as usual (Nicole or Melissa or something like that) and it was time for liquor. I was starving since I thought that I would be getting food at 6 when I showed up at Jeb's. After some buffalo chicken wrap and Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka (feel free to sponsor me Firefly, your shit is delicious) I was talked into leaving Griffin's for TTT's. I was pretty against it except for the part that the only women that were there were the wait staff and the women that we brought.

The ratio was much better at TTT's as we revolved around the place with two different pitchers that I unceremoniously mooched off of (in a good, "here friend have some liquor" kind of way). We eventually found a table and sang, danced and teased into the early morning hours. I may have threatened C.P. with punching when he wouldn't cut out trying to pinch my nipples (in a good, "here friend id prefer if I didn't have to punch you in the face" kind of way). Eventually both couples decided that they were too tired and left (an apparent plus to having a significant other is being able to have an easy excuse to head out). One thing I learned however was normal Mrs. H is funny, drunken Mrs. H is hilarious and makes deep throating motions in a crowded bar. Jeb and I finished the last of the alcohol and he decided that he might have to get up early tomorrow so we headed out. Even though when we got back Jeb beat the new Prince of Persia again before heading to bed (which is a really stupid ending and makes it a waste of a game). I ended up passing out on the sofa as usual.

The next day I woke up sort of early for a Saturday and watched part of a movie while waiting for a ride to my car to drive home. The party was scheduled for 3 at Mr. and Mrs. H's. Fried turkey was promised and Mrs. H is like Martha Stewart so I definitely expected everything to be absolutely unbelievable. So when 3 rolled around I grabbed my Secret Santa gift (I was designated to buy for The Katie, got her this goofy looking snow hat that she could wear in Sweden, it could have been lame but the other women at the party all asked where to get one for themselves, so I either did a fairly good job or they were being nice) and my fairly unsophisticated bottle of wine and headed over. I expected everyone would be super late, but I showed up at quarter after 3 and was at least an hour ahead of the next guest. Seems sorta like a bad thing but it didn't turn out to be that bad as I got to chat with the H's and hear stories from Mrs. H that I wouldn't expect her to say (that involved watching porn). Amazing appetisers and The Katie, C.P., D.P., L.C., and Keihner followed. There was some football throwing, video game playing and something that involved parking a boat. Frying the turkey only caused a small fire and dinner as I predicted was amazing. We ate until we were all stuffed and sat around telling funny stories afterwords. We did the whole secret Santa thing and the polo twins ducked out fairly early. We sat around on the deck for a while when I definitely felt tired enough that I wanted to go home but was met with a lot of resistance (see this is where the significant other comes in handy, no one questions a woman feeling tired and needing to be driven home). There was a bottle of really alcoholic beer that had a hint of brown sugar (not really tasty to me) broken out and split between all of us and I gave my share away. People started to get cold and I thought it was my perfect time to duck out. Unfortunately I wasn't very secretive and my plan was figured out immediately. I still headed out and passed out upon reaching my home.

So apart from a nice trip to Red Robin today with D.P. and L.C. before they drove back to Columbia, and plenty of laundry, that was the weekend. Hope yall enjoyed it as much as I did.

Christmas Spirit

I don't know whats wrong this year. Usually I'm pumped for Christmas and as a very positive person, I'm usually really feeling great with the general positiveness of the season. This season however, I just can't get into it.

I turned down my mom's offer to get me a little Christmas tree for the apartment.

I've barely even started Christmas shopping. Last year I was pumped to go out and get thoughtful gifts for friends and family, this year I find other things to do and just put it off.

Today at lunch they were playing Christmas music over the speakers at Quiznos and I really contemplated asking them to change the channel.

I even have Christmas lights up on my balcony (in the shape of lobsters!!! My neighbors are coming up with theories on the hidden meaning between the lobsters and the poorly strung light rope.) and it still doesn't help to put me in the Christmas spirit.

This Christmas break is going to be huge, eight days off, and I get to go home and be with the family this year. And still no enthusiasm.

I don't know what it is this year but it just sorta fills me with apathy. I'm not even really sure if I'm bothered by it. It's just kinda strange.



In case you haven't noticed (or complained to me in person), I haven't wrote on here in a long while. The other day C.P. texted me at work and asked me why. So I thought I would share it with yall. The reason that my writing has cut down (aside from laziness) is that it seems so much harder lately to tell a weekend story without cutting out large interesting, fairly funny parts because they could embarrass someone or tick off someone else. Its not even bad things but leaving them out would really make for a bare bones story without the funny anecdotes that I think that everyone who reads this blog enjoys. I can't write about friends fighting, even if their arguments are at times some of the most hilariously pointless fights I've ever heard. And even if I do well with the ladies, I can't really write about it later. It just has seemed so difficult lately to get a great post worthy story up.

That and I'm lazy.